Awkward Date Story...

I have told this story a lot over the past few years. It pretty much takes the cake for awful first date stories. Some of you may be shocked I posted this, but it's too good to keep to myself. Most married people hear this and thank God their married, most single people hear this and either relate or appreciate how funny/ unpredictable our dating lives can be!

Rewind back to 2007. I was about to head home for my nephews birthday in January, when my sister and bro-in-law told me that a guy who Jon grew up with had seen my picture and heard about me, and was interested in me. He lived in a small town in Arkansas around where Jon grew up. So, this guy called me and asked me if I would like to meet him for dinner in Little Rock (it was in between us) when I came home for the weekend. My whole family was going to be occupied for some benefit, so since I wasn't going to be spending time with them, I thought, "sure, why not?"

I am driving to Little Rock to meet him. He calls me several times, and here's a few things he says... "Now, I haven't been on a date in a while. Mama and my sister told me not to kiss on the first date, but it's been a while if you know what I'm saying so I make no promises." "If this works out, you have to move home b/c I can't move to Nashville." "Should we just go ahead and call Jon and tell him I am going to be his brother-in-law?" Right. I haven't even met him yet. So this is the point where I think, "Okay, you're almost there. It's free dinner. Obviously nothing is coming from this, just get through it."

After waiting about 45 minutes for him and switching restaurants twice, he finally arrives. Dinner was actually not too painful. We had a good conversation, though he kept saying, "You're really high caliber. I like you." That was awkward.

After dinner, we went to a movie. That's where he asked what "TWO-WA-JEMA" was (Iwo Jima). I chose "Stomp the Yard," a movie about stomp dancing and the streets. I picked this b/c I figured he wouldn't feel too romantic during the movie. WRONG. The movie starts, and he immediately grabs my hand. I let him hold it, thinking if I held his hand he wouldn't be able to put his arm around me, put his hand on my knee, etc. WRONG. I adjusted so many times in that movie it's ridiculous. He is not very good at reading body language. Oh but the kicker. Here's the kicker. I was standing up and tying the belt on my coat. All of the sudden, I hear him say, "You know what, I just gotta do this" at the same time I see his coat flying over my head out of the corner of my eye. That's right. He threw his coat over my head, stuck his tongue down my throat (up my nose first, because it was dark and he missed), and then pulled back and said, "Sorry if that was inappropriate."

I was too surprised to say anything. We walked in silence to the car. On the way back, he said, "So is there gonna be another date?" "Nashville, Dillon" I said, "I live in Nashville." Neither I or my brother-in-law ever heard from him again. A few weeks later, my sister said, "Hey, I know you may be a little gun shy from Jon and I setting you up with someone, but..." Me: "NO!!!"