I love what I do. I know working in nursing homes and hospitals can be hard, but you have to be able to see the humor in it. Here are my favorite quotes of all time. (FYI, I did not bleep the curse words. These are direct quotes).
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A 60 year old outpatient, recent stroke, working on naming:
Me: Name something soft.
Him: Boobs.
Me: Okaaayyy... Name something else.
Him: Ass.
Me: Alright. Name 4 things you do every day.
Him: Eat, Brush teeth, sleep, and shit.
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2 little ladies in the nursing home...
Lady #1: Oh my. I am so woozy. I feel drunk.
Lady #2: Oh you're so lucky! Have fun!!!
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Lady at the nursing home: "Sweetie, I can't read very well. I have what they have, um.... IMMACULATE DEGENERATION! Oh my word, I finally pronounced it correctly!"
Some of my favorites from working with older people over the past 3 years...
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Me: "Bob wants a pet, but he does not want a cat. What is another furry animal he could get?"The patient: "A muskrat."
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Me (describing a car): People drive THESE. What do people drive?
Patient: These!
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Me (pointing to my hair, trying to get the patient to name things): What is this?
Her: Remarkable!
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My patient: "I don't have any kids. My wife was unable to bear children. Although, the doctor told me I had enough sperm to impregnate Nashville!"
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My 106 year old lady in her daily prayer: "God, thank you for loving us, even when we're ugly and stupid."
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Me: (The patient's supposed to fill in the blank) I would like to curl up on the couch with a good _________
Him: LOOKING GIRL!
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I kissed a little man on the cheek while he was falling asleep. His eyes popped open and he said, "HOLY SMOKES! I LOVE THAT!"
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One lady: "You're hair.... intrigues me."
A little man: "When my daughter was born she was about yay big, no bigger than a possum, honey."
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My little confused lady said to me, "You have a cuter mouth than you think you do if you were thinking your mouth didn't match your face."
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Me: What year is it?
Patient: WHEW these questions are getting DEEP.
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Me: I just told you a few minutes ago.Patient: Well I don't remember that, I don't have curly hair like YOU.
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I asked a patient "Please can we at least try therapy for 15 minutes?"
She said, "Honey, if I do therapy I am afraid I will upchuck in your face."
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A retired professor- he was frustrated with me: "I THINK YOU AND I ARE JUST AT A LOGGERHEAD IN THE INTERPRETATION OF REALITY, HONEY!"
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A little 6 year old girl who had a lot of artic problems: (pronouncing no "r" sounds): "Can we work on da word Cherry. I can't say dat word."
Same little girl after I got tongue twisted when I was saying something: "Ha! You awa da one dat needs PEECH tewapy now!
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I was looking in the nurses note of the chart and saw this documented by a nurse...
"Patient told this nurse she wasn't worth a shit."
7 comments:
I so wish you lived closer...you have made me laugh so hard. OMG!!! I haven't kept up with your blog lately, but I just read forever and laughed out loud by myself. Crack me up. I can't wait to read some of these things with Stephen. I rarely ever see him right now because of football. I forgot how time consuming his job is. I'm having a hard time adjusting to our schedule, probably because I am always an emo and need his hugs.
Yes, we still have assistants in Texas. We call them SLP-Assistants, because SLP-A is Speech-Language Pathologist-Audiologist. Something I didn't realize until I started to supervise. Crazy huh? The two I supervise are fantastic and I am trying to encourage them to go on to grad school. They will do very well I am sure. The demand is huge here and the therapists are so few. We need SLP's around here in a major way.
I LOVE your quotes! They always make me laugh. What a blessing you are to all those sweet people. I love you!
I'm sure I just woke up the kids from laughing so loud! That was so funny!
I enjoyed seeing you this morning, albeit brief. Thanks for trying to help me entertain Curtis. I forgot to go back for the duck. Oh, well.
THESE ARE MY FAVORITE!!! Eric and I just sat in our living room and I read them to him and we both laughed so hard! I wish you would post these all the time!!!!
Miss you, friend!
I have read these quotes several times and have read them aloud to others. You make me laugh a lot in your posts but this one was great!
moon-pie! I always read and crack up at everything you write....makes me miss you so much!!! I can just hear you telling these stories in person. I made Mac sit down to read...he too thinks your hair is REMARKABLE. :0)
love you!
AMY BELL
moon-pie! I always read and crack up at everything you write....makes me miss you so much!!! I can just hear you telling these stories in person. I made Mac sit down to read...he too thinks your hair is REMARKABLE. :0)
love you!
AMY BELL
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