Meet Ed... He won't be around for long

So I have decided to deal with all of my major struggles at once. :) A short while ago, I posted about why I eat what I eat. In that post, I mentioned my history with disordered eating and those issues. What I failed to mention is that I am currently struggling with my eating disorder at an all time high. I didn't realize it until some close friends all lovingly and separately expressed their concern to me. About 2 weeks ago, my counselor, Fern, also brought it up to me as a major concern. I decided to get help. With everything that has gone on lately, my emotional response has been to deal with it through my eating disorder, sending it to an all time high. Fern referred me to an eating disorder clinics here in Nashville. I went 2 weeks ago, and the doctor diagnosed me with an eating disorder as well as severe body image distortion. I am now under outpatient treatment at Scales Nutrition. I am seeing their absolutely fabulous dietitian who is helping me reframe my rigid thinking about food. Fern is helping me with my wacky beliefs the eating disorder ("Ed") has convinced me of. I am trying to slowly get rid of it's big bad voice and make my small voice stronger with every battle. I have chosen 4 friends and my family to be on my support team. I am determined to kick this lifelong struggle. I have always tried to kick it with excessive diet and exercise, which is just part of the disorder. These two books have helped me SO MUCH. I would say the "Rules" book is good for ANYONE who has struggled with emotional eating or emotional not-eating (denying yourself is no better than overeating- it's JUST as bad regardless of the fact that it is socially excepted), even if it's not to the point of being a full on disorder.

At first, it was very embarrassing to me that I still struggle with this. I mean, aren't we supposed to be done with eating disorders after mid-college? But as I have been receiving treatment and reading up on it, I have realized that it's the way I deal with my emotions. If I am happy, sad, anxious, guilty, joyful, etc; I eat or deny myself, workout excessively or spend precious hours compiling a rigid, unrealistic diet plan which I "fail at" and then binge. And then it starts all over. I have allowed my self esteem to be determined by this, I look in the mirror and see something no one else sees, and it's gotten to interfere with 95% of my waking days. So why not be open about it and deal with it? Instead of listening to "Ed's" lie that I need to keep it in and he'll take care of me (which I have listened to for years), I decided to get help. I decided to start knocking down this need to be perfect, and realize everyone has their thing. Some worse, some easier, irregardless we all have our thing. This is mine. So why not be open about it and possibly provide someone else encouragement and the freedom to be vulnerable? I have hope and grace and faith that he will deliver me and fight this battle with me. Whatever your "Ed" is, remember if I can fight it, you can. Yet another reason Christ went to the Cross for all of us.