My staredown with a 2 year old.

Does this picture sum up your days with your toddler? Here's an example to follow yesterday's post on language development...


I am stubborn. For those of you who know me, that's as obvious as me saying "I have curly hair." I've always been this way, as evidenced by my lovely baby picture:)...



I have 2 and 3 year olds who come in for therapy, and of course, that's THE age of stubbornness. The parents always tell me, "Now he/she's very stubborn" and I always reply "Good. They've met their match." With a lot of kids who have language delays, we have to break through their pattern of getting what they want without asking for it. Many of them have thrown fits or grunted and pointed for 75% of their life, and gotten what they wanted, so they get a rude awakening when I won't accept this in therapy. Here's a classic example...

I was seeing a 2.5 year old who's goals include... labeling objects, requesting objects verbally or with signs, asking simple questions, following simple commands, and combining 2-3 words. We've come along way... she used to just cry throughout the session b/c she wouldn't get her way automatically. Now, we really get along and she typically works well. This particular session, her stubborn streak was strong...

We were playing with toys and I was having her label objects. She was doing just fine, until I pointed to the banana and said, "Look, banana! Say banana." She stared at me. I repeated myself, and she repeated her stare. This went on for a few minutes. She reached for other toys, and I said, "No, let's say our words first." She replied, "No, I don't want to." I said, "say banana!" And she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, "apple."

This fired me up, and I knew it wasn't about if she could say the word, it was about the fact that she's used to getting her way even if she doesn't communicate. I choose my battles, and I chose to fight this one. We literally had a stare down for 15 minutes. I kept prompting her and she would ignore me. We finally called her mom in, and though she didn't ever say the word, she didn't get her way. She then wanted her juice but refused to ask for it and threw a royal fit. We ended by me saying in a gentle, firm voice, "Sweetie, we are here to work on your speech. We can play with toys IF we do our work. You can be stubborn, but I will win. I will always win." Some of you may be thinking, "wow, that's tough love." And you're right, it is. If she didn't know how to say the word, of course I wouldn't have pushed it, but that wasn't what this was about.

My job as a therapist and your job as a parent is to teach them appropriate communication. If they choose not to communicate appropriately (provided they have the ability to communicate, of course), that's fine. But that comes with the consequence of not getting to continue playing or not getting what they want. Choose your battles, and do your child (and yourself) a favor by teaching them effective communication skills.