I am amazed how ANYTHING, once translated into medical terms, can sound complicated and professional. I remember when I was a grad student at ACH, my supervisor gently corrected me because I had written, "patient observed to throw up..." while the proper medical term is "patient with emesis." Who knew?
As the speech therapist in the nursing home, I feel that I am often the scape goat for anyone who has a problem eating. ANY kind of problem, even if it is gastrointestinal, is passed on to me. Now, I determine whether they are appropriate for therapy, but that doesn't stop the staff from grinning as they pass on a referral to me...
In this case, it was a little lady who makes herself quite known in the facility. You have your quiet patients who everyone loves, your quiet but mobile patients who view you as their personal bowling pin to knock over, and your ones who love to be as loud as possible. Those are the ones the staff practices their patience with. This particular little patient is over one hundred years of age. I wish health privacy protection acts weren't so fierce, because her name really adds to the story. Just use your imagination. She rolls around the nursing home and it is hard to escape her. You can TRY to squeeze by when you're in a hurry, but she is quick for having a century under her belt, and she grabbs for any piece of clothing or any loose limb she can get her hands on. Once she has you, she yells in a loud, chocolate, harsh voice (conviently forgetting that she is the one with the hearing problem, not you)... "LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING!" and this is then followed by one of her infamous questions "GOT ANY CANDY?" (this is her favorite- I think she tries to reach a quota of asking this 100 times daily) "HAVE WE EATEN BREAKFAST YET?" (she usually asks this one right before lunch) and my all time favorite, "TAKE ME TO THE TOILET!" One time she must have been tired of the regulars because she pulled out a new one for me, "GOT ANY TOAST?"
But the best part about this little lady is a particular bodily function that she feels she must do every second of a meal and after a meal... Those of you who know me know how much I HATE talking about or being around bodily functions, so please rest assured I am cringing as I write this. Her habit is "pulling a Leland Hyde" for those of you who go to Cloverdale. For those of you who aren't blessed with that sound effect during Sunday worship, I am referring to the terrible habit of clearing your throat of disgusting substances and propelling it out of your mouth (I refuse to use the slang terminology, it is disgusting).
So I am asked to see this lady because she keeps yelling out during meals, "IT WON'T GO DOWN." So I beebop in there and change her to a more appropriate diet that she can chew and swallow since her chewing/mastication skills at 101 years are alas, a little weak. However, I had to record in the medical chart what I observed at meal times. As those of you in such settings well know, you must document at all times, and WHATEVER you are writing about must sound professional. So here is how I wrote that disgusting habit I referred to in the previous paragraph. "Patient observed to pharyngally expectorate unmasticated mechanical soft consistency solids which is suspected to pool in the vallecular sinuses."
Now I know those of you who are not in the medical setting just read, "blah blah blah" and rolled your eyes. But next time you are at the doctor's office, give your medical professionals a little bit of credit. Because if NOTHING else, if they are the worst speech therapist or doctor or physical therapist in the world, they still have to make your nasty little habits or random little outbreaks sound technical and professional. This just goes to show that ANYTHING, yes ANYTHING, can sound proper when worded correctly.
No comments:
Post a Comment